Patricia Malay
Posted on 19. Oct, 2009 by Pepe in Oplan Pepe
Patricia Malay, radio personality and former Catholic speaks about her intensely devout Catholic upbringing and her feelings of restriction and isolation.
Just like Shirin, Patricia is part of a new generation of free-thinkers, tired of being silenced, tired of being taught not to question and to just blindly follow.
Three years ago, I made a conscious decision to turn away from Catholicism. I didn’t abandon Christianity though, and am now a practicing (to the best and worst of my abilities, with God’s help!) Christian.
I grew up in an Opus Dei school. I was taught that the highest calling for women was to be a wife and a mother. I was taught to be impressed with the many Opus Dei-practicing families who had six, seven, eight or more children and it was impressed upon me that this was something I needed to aspire to [have]. I remember being a naive 16 year old, announcing to everyone that I wanted to be married by 24 and have six kids.
I went to mass almost daily, performing menial tasks during mass like trimming candlesticks to be one level. I liked boys, just as so many of my friends in my all-girl school, but I was told that even holding hands with them was an occasion of sin, so I just stayed away completely. Our Opus Dei priests and numeraries (civilians who practice celibacy and live in a communal center for men or women) who taught in school were always right and could not be objected to.
Then, college in ATENEO – it was everything that my grade and high school weren’t. I was shocked because the Jesuit priests actually welcomed opposition and encouraged free thinking. I was overwhelmed by the fact that there were so many boys around me because my restrictive upbringing didn’t teach me how to socialize with them normally. It soon became clear to me that I was duped…I felt like I was honestly duped. I had subscribed to the Opus Dei ideal for so long and so blindly, that when I saw what the real world was like, I felt very much like I was cheated, and had no recourse but to run the other way.
I stopped going to mass completely. I stopped my weekly confessions. I stopped praying. I had gotten angry with God all of a sudden and wanted nothing but to stay as far away from anything Catholic. I dabbled in other faiths, curious about Buddha, the Tao and Zen teachings. I read up on the Kabbalah and wondered if the answers I was looking for could be found there. It took a while, but I found my groove again and was reunited with a much more comfortable idea of who God really is in my life. My born-again friend reintroduced Him to me at a difficult time of my life, and I rediscovered a God who is just and also full of mercy; a God that is understanding and full of love, who has a heart for the lost, who wants His children to enjoy a life of abundance.
I’m a proud Christian and am at my happiest here. Although I do believe that everyone has a choice to believe what they want to believe, I feel I have a moral obligation to tell as many people as I can about the lies of the Catholic Church in order to keep the people dumbed down. It’s impossible for me to keep quiet about this because I know how it was to be that way… and I know how it is now that I’m not there anymore.
I suppose my change in point of view also came when I realized that God is more pleased with a sincere and earnest search for Him, instead of the ritualistic repeat of responses and prayers and observations that we don’t even know the meanings of anymore. When we pray “Our Father” or “I believe in God”, I wonder if we say these words with conviction. Because in my head, words like that — if they’re meant — should be shouted and declared loudly because they’re powerful. These are the tennets of what Catholics believe. But see how they pray. But that’s only one aspect of why I’m displeased.
One of the many things I’ve realized is how damaging it is for a priest practicing celibacy to be in charge of so many people with different, individual needs. How can denying that a person has natural urges be good for him? So maybe some priests can do it successfully. But some, as we’ve heard, haven’t been so successful. Or how can a priest know how to counsel a married couple when he has no experience at all with marriage? These things make me angry.
I felt a little bit of guilt from my decision. I still do sometimes when I see my parents, who are staunch “sagrado katolikos”, displeased with my decision. But I also think that guilt is part of the Catholic psyche and should be acknowledged, dealt with and then rejected.
I believe, as I said earlier, in every person’s right to choose. The Catholic Church should respect that, too. They should also stay away from matters of government and give advice to leaders only when asked, not muscle their congregation into supporting or not supporting leaders and proposed laws that aren’t in agreement with their dogma.
The Catholic Church must also remember that our world is constantly changing, our country with so many varied needs. If the church really has a compassion for the people, they will put these people first, just as Jesus did and allow them to be equipped with information that can help them make wiser decisions. For example, I really, truly believe that the RH [Reproductive Health] Bill is not against God’s plan –it is a means for people to be plan their life, to live a better quality of life. There is no provision in the RH Bill for termination of life or abortion. How is that not in unison with God? The bottom line is that the God I believe in says in the Bible that poverty is a curse, NOT a situation or circumstance that people should just bear in His name. Disallowing poor people from having access to contraception ties them to poverty even longer. It doesn’t make sense.
I go back to my point of how can a priest or a nun know anything at all about how it is to be poor and married to an unemployed drunkard with ten mouths waiting to be fed and another one on the way? How could they know what it feels like to have to send these kids to beg on the streets instead of going to school where they can learn and play, like all children have a right to? What do they say in the face of this poverty and suffering? Don’t have sex? Stop sleeping with your spouse? I think these questions are just the tip of the iceberg. But I don’t think these are questions that will ever be answered by any priest or nun in a satisfactory way. The Catholic Church has now, more than at any other time in our nation’s history, proven itself to be more hurtful than helpful. They don’t address the problems of this country and, in fact, keep those problems from being solved. We’ve been kept in the dark for too long, and we shouldn’t stand for it anymore.
Patricia, part of a new generation of freethinkers, banding together to fight for a secular Philippines.
Patricia, isa sa mga bagong Pepe na nagsalita na sapagka’t pagod na sya maging pipi. [Patricia, one of the new Pepe’s who has finally spoken up because she’s tired of being silenced].
Ikaw, Pepe ka ba o pipi?
Email your thoughts to: oplanpepe@yahoo.com
[Crossposted from Ana Santos Writes]
This is enlightening and sickening at the same time. You are so judgmental on your former religion to say that Catholics left you in the dark, that they espouse a holier-than-thou kind of spirituality. You met both sects of Opus Dei and Jesuit followers, and still you generalize Catholics into one poop-hole and consider it your worst upbringing. How could you bash it so easily? I happen to be Muslim, just to have you know, and I grew up with the mindset that the Church and State are together and not separate. Yet I have high regard for Catholics because they have a high regard for people like me. Like you, I believe in the quality of life, and I’m sure Catholics do too. Nuns and priests put themselves in the forefront of poverty to help, I’ve seen too many of them out in my street; YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE A NUN OR A PRIEST! But my dear this bill is not a solution. Put it under a petri dish and look at it as close as you can, you’ll see it will destroy you and your country sooner than you think. Oh and which part of the Bible says that Poverty is a curse? “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Yes I read your Bible. So, what is your basis for saying Catholics don’t follow Jesus? What sect of Christianity are you from anyway? You seem to claim too many sensational things, your not a rational hero at all.
@Dune: While I welcome your openness to Catholic and Christian ideals, (which I find very refreshing and a lot more consistent with the Islamic faith that was responsible for preserving knowledge during the Dark Ages) I must take you to task for your final statement.
I believe Patricia was simply trying to share her own, stifling experience of faith and how it led her to explore other ways of communing with God, family, and country. While I do not share Patricia’s sentiments regarding Catholicism and the RH Bill, I applaud her courage in opening herself up to criticism by sharing her experiences.
Perhaps we could engage in thoughtful dialogue before labeling one another? Just my two cents worth.
Peace!
“Yet I have high regard for Catholics because they have a high regard for people like me.”
Except, you know, when they murdered the lot of you and held crusades to take back their lands.
)
i hope you find your way back to the truth… you (and we) were subjected to one “test” and all you (we) had to do was hold on to what was given to you (and all of us) by God and you (we) let go of His hand. That is normal to all of us since we are only human… But that in it self is the down fall of the human race “we are only human”, its like we our selves are saying we are defective and inferior to anything and everything. But we always forget the basis of “who” and “what” we are. We all are children of God and he created us all in His Image and Likeness. So to deny us all of anything in this world because we are only but human is like denying God all together. The biggest and heaviest issue to the RH bill is the ending of ones life in the womb of the mother. Since we were Created in the Image and Likeness of God, killing the child that has not yet seen the light of day is equal to Killing God also. It is not yet a total loss… the RH bill is not the solution to the lot of our countrymen. The RH bill is just an excuse to re allocate funds away from more important causes/projects, and when I say more important causes/projects “eto yung mga mahirap at di popular na gawin ng mga politiko” that is tantamount to political suicide… Since the masses don’t understand that the RH bill will cause a moral degredation in the country (dahil gawa lang ng gawa… pag sumobra, papatay na lang kasi ok lang suportado pa ng gobyerno…) isipin mo na lang ipinanganak tayo sa mundong ito ng mga magulang natin… buti na lang pro-life sila kundi, di na natin alam kung napano na tayo kung may RH bill nung panahon na yun… imbes na anak ang tingin sa atin e we were just a choice…
@John-D Borra: fair enough. Patricia, I apologize for being judgmental. I was simply outraged by your cynicism towards a religion that failed to serve you.
@missingpoints: history is in the past. care to know the muslim side of the story or are you just going to stick with what you know? and just so you know, most of the people who tour people in the promised land are people like me, Muslims.
سلام
i am a catholic, and you said you are a christian.
i have born again christian friends and i never heard anything from them against any religion.
i admire dune ahmed timor for standing up for his religion. his respect for other-religions from his own is admirable.
i am aware of my church’s history, all of it’s mistakes, the dark times, the mass murders and all the killings and abuses and scandals. But dont you get it? the Catholic church have all these scars, all these trials to prove to you and to other poor-souls that the Catholic church has been under criticism since it began more than 2000 years ago yet stays strong until now.
i feel bad for all the schools you went to, im sure they regret having a student such as you.
i also feel sorry for your parents, for a having a daughter like you.
i pray that you church-mates wont see this, surely they will disgrace you for this.
and for the record, i have 2 uncles who are born-again pastors, and here’s what they think about your note “she talks more than she thinks, she just wants attention”
i also attend born again services, i hope to meet you one day, and smack the living daylight out of you.
Wow, is that what the Catholic church teaches? “I disagree with you, therefore I’m going to smack the living daylight out of you?” Guys like you are the reason people walk out of church and never come back.
Internet tough guy, will wonders never cease.
Mike Aquino,
no it is not what the catholic church teaches.
it is what the masonry taught me.
Guys like me?
guys like you are blinded by your hunger for negativeness in life.
You criticize the catholic church because a few priests out of hundred of thousands violated the act of celebacy.
A-hole.
The rabid theist resorting to personal attacks? Will wonders never cease?
I expected all sorts of reactions but can’t say it still didn’t sting when I read what some of you wrote above. I have never been one to impose my beliefs on people and fully support your freedom to choose. However, I believe also in making informed choices. I believe I’ve seen the light in terms of what the Catholic Church really is and I was simply expressing those views. If you still choose to follow a church that uses its very powerful muscle in order to get what it wants, no matter what, then that’s your prerogative. I will also not keep you from pelting me with personal attacks, dragging my family and even the schools I went to into the picture. I suppose that as the men of staunch faith you all declare yourselves to be, you are all much too righteous and “open-minded” to consider other points and would rather resort to shallow shots than to engage in a healthy discussion.
And that’s completely ok.
That’s what the Masons taught you? Please, my dad’s a Freemason and that’s not what they teach in the lodges.
So you’re going to belatedly blame the Freemasons for that attitude problem of yours (promising to beat up an uppity woman who dared to speak out against the Catholic church)? You forget you’re still calling yourself a Catholic (it’s right there in your nick), so I figure it’s fair to judge you and your religion based on what you’ve just said.
Defending Catholicism, “Mr. Open-minded” actually proved our point.
“I felt a little bit of guilt from my decision….But I also think that guilt is part of the Catholic psyche and should be acknowledged, dealt with and then rejected.”
Is guilt just part of the Catholic psyche or is it really the conscience (the voice of reason) telling you to return and play the role of the prodigal daughter who will received with great jubilation? Rizal the Mason had the moral courage to admit his mistakes, because he had the moral intelligence to see them: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jos%C3%A9_Rizal#Retraction_controversy
Shouldn’t we all “retract” like Rizal if our conscience, our rational hero from within, tells us to?
Or it could be that guilt is a natural side-effect of overcoming a lifetime of conditioning. Guilt is a common part of the recovery process, from any religion.
By the way, the “fact” of Rizal’s retraction is not yet settled, as your link shows.
Open minded Catholic is a close minded asshole.
Bravo Patty for showing these people for what they really are. Comments like his show their true colors.
Case closed.
As to the retraction issue, I think it is more rational, more Rizal-like, to side with the professional historians than with the other side.
Conditioning is a term derived from dealing with animals. Although humans are rational animals, thus animals nonetheless, they are still rational, and therefore they can think, analyze, use facts, to see if their decisions are right or wrong, true or false, good or bad.
Guilt can also be the moral intelligence sending a warning signal that ooops there is something wrong somewhere that you have done. That’s thousands of years of human wisdom, that some 20th century thinker can’t just push aside.
Also if there is a possibility it really is the moral intelligence, I would say it is foolhardy not to stop and reflect. Is it possible I am making a mistake? It is human to reflect anyway….
Okay, I’m Catholic, a proud one at that, despite all this foolishness regarding the RH Bill. I generally never had an issue with my religion. It’s the institutions governing my religion that I have an issue with.
I read through Patricia’s entry, and although I have some reservations towards it, I have to give it to her for finding herself. Because, as far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t matter what religion you practice (or you don’t practice) as long as it is YOUR decision to follow it and you are comfortable with it.
I am also saddened by the close-mindedness of a lot of people replying to this post. Can we not engage in a civilized discourse? Can we not talk about our differences like the educated individuals that we are?
Or is your anger and stubbornness your mask? That, in truth, you are afraid? Afraid of the possibility that everything you have taught to believe may possibly be wrong.
@Site Admins: Just my suggestion-is it possible to block people who cannot even post their real names, email addresses, locations and offline identities from posting comments here? Maybe something like how Facebook filters comments? I recommend Gerry Alanguilan’s criteria on Internet posting: http://alanguilan.com/sanpablo/2006/02/commentary-on-anonymous-writers.html
I just think it’s only being fair to people like Patricia Malay and Mike Aquino here, who were courageous enough to speak up using their real names and identities at their own risk.
To quote Mr. Alanguilan:
“When I give an opinion and put it online, that is now a permanent record of what I have said. Somewhere, somehow, those words will be preserved, even if my original posts have been deleted. And it will be connected with me for as long as I live. And for an equal amount of time, I would have to be responsible for those words and the consequences they bring. For an anonymous writer, he can just easily disappear and create another identity for himself somewhere else, easily avoiding having to face any consequence of his words, ditching any responsibility for them.”
Patricia, Mike and the people who run this site: I may not agree with everything posted here, but you have my full support as an advocate of ‘honourable’ free speech and universal tolerance.
Hey, Patricia!
When I read your piece, I saw a lot of similarities between you and me. I came from an Opus Dei high school and I also went to college in Ateneo. I used to subscribe to Catholicism but even in high school I had so many questions that were answered with so much absolutism from my teachers.
I guess in college I was only able to realize that the Roman Catholic Church doesn’t have the monopoly on morality and what is good. I carry on that belief till this day, it was as simple as that.
My other wake-up call was that I encountered so many people who call themselves Catholic in high school and yet acted like really rotten people. It was only in my high school that a cruel bully or a drunken delinquent party girl would get all the teachers’ favors by merely making it clear they go to Mass or confession regularly. It’s a sweeping generalization for Catholic institutions, but this was my experience and it was particularly confusing and annoying for any 15 or 16 year old to witness.
The message I got from that experience is just because you call yourself a Catholic (or any other righteous religion) already makes you a good person. Some people reach enlightenment through religion, and some don’t.
I could wish that more people could respect that. That’s all.
Hi Marla..
Yeah, sadly I’ve seen many hypocrites in my life as well. And you’re absolutely right in saying that rituals and labels don’t make a person more spiritual than the one who doesn’t perform them. This society is plagued by too many labels to begin with… our faiths, our clothes, even our relief drives now have to be clearly earmarked and credited.
But as I’ve experienced greatly these past few days, openly speaking up about my misgivings about the church (and I suppose any church would’ve gotten me in trouble) have gotten me in an interesting post.. and I say interesting in every negative sense. What saddens me is that there are always going to be people that comfort themselves with the fact that they time in, time out at church, mouth off songs and responses without thinking, throw a few coins in the basket during collection time and feel like they have every right to go out and rip people like me to shreds… or even go home and shout at their helpers… or cheat on their taxes (or spouses)… pop ecstacy or sniff cocaine in dark members only clubs… or encourage corruption by providing grease money.
The problem is people think they’ve paid for their righteous indignation with their Sunday masses, cluck-clucking along with priests when he goes and lambasts the RH Bill as the harbinger of ill morals and loose behavior, and 5 peso coins in the collection box. I think people need to understand that righteousness cannot be earned by works. As soon as people get that, the better off we’ll all be.
Thanks for sharing fearlessly as well, Marla! I wish there was more respect to go around also.
Hey Carlos and Patti, I have a two questions for your readers:
Dune said: “Put [the RH bill] under a petri dish and look at it as close as you can, you’ll see it will destroy you and your country sooner than you think.”
Dune, please copy-paste specific provisions in the RH Bill which you think will destroy the country. Here is the actual bill: dirp3.pids.gov.ph/population/documents/HB4110.pdf. Will wait for your answer.
Jop said: “The biggest and heaviest issue to the RH bill is the ending of ones life in the womb of the mother.”
Jop, I agree with your point that the unborn have the right to life. But please copy-paste specific provisions in the RH Bill which you think allow abortion. Here is the actual bill: dirp3.pids.gov.ph/population/documents/HB4110.pdf. Will wait for your answer.
Thanks so much, Dune and Jop!
* I have two questions… (Not, “a two questions…” haha)
The old problem of works and faith have been largely resolved by
Joint Lutheran and Catholic Declaration on Justification.
The two sides have agreed to confess:
By grace alone, in faith in Christ’s saving work and not because of any merit on our part, we are accepted by God and receive the Holy Spirit, who renews our hearts while equipping and calling us to good works.
The Methodists have also agreed with this.
Yes, Alice. I agree with that. But what of the many people that think their works earn them a place in heaven and excuse their lousy and nasty behavior? You and me, we might understand it. A lot of people don’t.
Hi Patricia, since we know this, I think it is our responsibility to spread the word about what the Church really teaches. As I said in the page of Mike Aquino, there have been so many distortions of what the Catholic Church really is, which professional historians are now revising.
Even her stand on the RH bill is misconstrued as merely faith-based and irrational, without any basis in reasoned discoursed on facts.
Contrast this with the cogent arguments of two intellectuals whose arguments do not even mention one biblical or magisterial pronouncements but only legal, moral, demographic, economic, medical reasons.
Even Fr. Gaston only used data.
Hi Questionnaire, I tried clicking the links that you provided but kept landing on a page that said “Sorry, no posts match your criteria.” Perhaps you can check the links and post again. Thanks.
Correct link: dirp3.pids.gov.ph/population/documents/HB4110.pdf
Hoy Dune at Jop, nasan na kayo?
“what of the many people that think their works earn them a place in heaven and excuse their lousy and nasty behavior”
These people have to be told that their lousy and nasty behavior constitute their works in front of God and thus will have to be answerable for them. If they repent, they can hope for God’s mercy.
The idea of works in Catholic teaching cover everything that one does– their deeds.
Ha! The banality of Christianity. You’re going to heaven as long as you have religion. Well, in a world becoming more and more secularized, it’s better to have a religion than to have none.
@Patricia, I saw in your tweeter page that you are a Jesus lover. Congratulations! Love for Jesus is the greatest romance, said St. Augustine.
Jesus himself said in the Bible, Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven (Mt 7:21).
Those rituals you mentioned are part of Jesus’s will, his love letters: 1 Cor 11:24, Jn 20:23, Mt 28:19, etc.
But these rituals are not the only things that are Jesus’ will: also compassion, forgiving those who hurt you, understanding, work, prudence, kindness, etc.
God bless,
Tom
“the banality of Christianity”
If you get to know the real history of Christianity, what professional historians have been saying about the Catholic Church, then you will find out that it is at the origins — the main builder! — of the most beautiful and most exciting aspects of Western civilization: the university system, modern science, international human rights and international law, rapid economic development, western art and classical music.
Benedict XVI said that Christianity from its beginnings is the “Religion of the Logos, the religion according to reason“.
Oh, and I forgot the care-giving and the hospital system.
i appreciate the concept behind this page, but i must admit that, while reading patricia’s testimonial, i was put off by how she puts down catholics versus born again christians (it seemed so to me anyway). i was raised as a born again but sent to assumption, where i was also asked not to share my “beliefs” with fellow students. for college i also attended ateneo, where the jesuits helped develop the critical thinking that was subdued by my earlier school. my eyes were opened not just to the faults of catholicism but also that of the born again faith, and i’ve since avoided affiliation with any religious organization. my point in saying this is simply that because religions are run by people, they also become prone to error. i do believe in a supreme being, but i suppose i’ve been jaded one too my times by people who represent him/her/it.
anyway, thank you for sharing and i’m glad you’re happy where you are.
oops. “one too many times”.
@alice oh yes wikipedia! its never wrong
cuz anyone can post anything in it!