On Planet Church
Posted on 23. Oct, 2009 by Rome Jorge in Oplan Pepe
The Church is out of this world.
On Planet Church, land is limitless and natural resources are infinite, so population growth is never a problem. People there don’t create pollution and cost nothing to feed.
After all, more people mean more offerings and donations as well as more churchgoers and clergymen. A population growth rate that outpaces economic growth ensures more poor people. And it’s the poor that give the most.
There’s a reason why people in advanced, prosperous and democratic countries people hardly go to church. They know something we don’t. More Filipinos forced to work overseas because of local economic conditions also mean more churchgoers the world over.
On Planet Church, people only have sex when they need to procreate—like animals that only rut during mating season. Making love out of tenderness, passion or pleasure is unheard off. This most basic act, responsible for our existence, is still a source of shame and guilt. Abstinence and rhythm method are practical and foolproof. And on their planet, priests are truly celibate and no sacristans are molested.
In their world, consenting adults don’t mind supposedly celibate people meddling in their sex lives. And parents are okay with people who supposedly took a vow poverty charging exorbitant tuition fees for education.
Any other institution that forbids women from holding the same offices as men or discourages the children of single mothers from entering its schools would be charged with sexual discrimination. But on Planet Church, time stands still and the same norms that applied during Spanish Inquisition—when the Philippines was Christianized—still applies.
Any other institution with a massive network of properties and assets would be taxed properly, especially in these difficult times. And any other institution that collected money from its members weekly would be held accountable—literally—with public audits. But that’s too far out for these guys.
that’s a scary fantasy setting…oops
I really, really really like this article.
Viva Rome! Haha! sounds religious.
but seriously, your piece is not fantasy. it is reality…
wow.
As I’ve remarked on Mr CC’s FB, I would love to be on this planet… How do I get in without too much tithing?
Tralalalaaaa….
I like this. It has never dawned on me before that more churchgoers (thereby more offering money) is the reason why the church is such a staunch critic of contraception. It’s a very good theory, and does make a lot of sense. Nice work!
This is an excerpt from an editorial for The Manila Times published July 29, 2008, in reaction to the the State of the Nation address of President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo.
they are against contraception because lesser and lesser children will undergo baptism, confirmation, and wedding which give them revenues. withdrawal comes after orgasm most of the time.
did you ever wonder why on Planet Church can you only find an altar which is made of brass, gold, and other metals that can be converted to money for donation in least developed countries?
On Planet Church captures the socialistic, authoritarian society in the Anthem, a novelette by Ayn Rand. It really happened in the USSR. It’s still happening here in the Philippines in moderate variances, since the Spanish time.